by Jonathan Bilski
South Park: The Stick of Truth
You've held it in long enough. The power surges through you. You
are the chosen one that the prophecy has spoken of and inside you is a great
and terrible power. A power so mighty your foes cry at its beauty. They fall to
their knees in astonishment of what you commit. You release the all-powerful Dragon
Shout! You just farted on that dude new kid, that so kewl! South Park: The
Stick of Truth has implemented a fart magic mana system as part of its potty
humor antics for its RPG-saga that's long been in development Hell.
South Park: The Stick of Truth has had a battle of getting out
since it was announced with multiple delays over the last three years. The game
was developed by Obsidian Entertainment after showing a proof-of-concept
gameplay footage that captured how they cartoon looked to creators Trey Parker
and Matt Stone. Trey and Matt stayed with the game as it's writers, developing
it like a long episode of the show unlike any of the South Park game titles
that have come out and have been highly criticized as cash-in titles. THQ was
suppose to publish the game, but went bankrupt leaving the game in Limbo until
Ubisoft took on the title. Days for release were set and passed by Ubisoft with the game suppose to being
come out late 2013. Now after a huge wait, that feels like it's been held in
too long, fans and gamers get the release and it's a big one.
Big movements start with small movements. You are the new kid in
town of South Park. Your parents want you to get out and make some friends in
this quiet little mountain town. Soon after meeting Butters, now a paladin
knight, your embroiled in a fantasy game being played by all the kids in town
for the Stick of Truth, a mystical item said to carry power un-ending. It is a
just a stick, but to the kids in South Park playing the fantasy game it's the
most powerful object in existence.
You're in a long episode of South Park starring yourself.
Butters and the always dirty-mouthed cursing Cartman start you on your
adventure. Kenny, now a Princess--yeah it's weird-- is at your beckon. Stan and Kyle are not around at the start at your
adventure, but will be showing up to join your party. Cartman will let the
insults fly as he teaches you how to play the game.
I choose Jew, out of the classes you can choose from. Mage, Thief and Fighter are also available.
Jew, like any of the classes gives you special abilities, attributes and
attacks. There's a joke coming down the line for your final upgrade as a Jew as
you become a better douche bag. Think about the most famous Jew you can think
of.
Yes, you might pick your class, your style and eventually your alliance of Cartman's KKK -- not what you
think-- or Kyle's Elves, but your name is Douchebag. I wasn't being a jerk in
the previous paragraph that's what Cartman names you. Since you don't talk
you're not against that name.
Boys rule, well at least at the start, you're a boy at the
start. Later with the style items you collect throughout the game you can look
like a girl to the vampire Grandpa from The Munsters. The game has many pieces
of hair styles, faces features and clothes you can buy and find. Changing you
costume and style can happen on the fly, so being a pirate astronaut is not out
of the question. Neither is being a witch monk with a goatee. There's an
endless amount of roads you character can go down to change their appearance.
Clothing can affect your powers. Different leveled outfits give
the new kid special attributes like extra layers of armor or more damage with
fire. You can add patches to clothing giving you and edge like getting more
health or money. Weapons have strap-ons they can alter their abilities such as
adding Frost, Fire and Gross abilities to hurt your enemies further.
After choosing to be a Jew or whatever you want, not trying to
be racist, you'll forge your story through a huge adventure through South Park.
From the sewers where Mr. Hankey resides to inside South Park Elementary to
inside an alien spaceship. At the start you'll be helping Cartman the
"Wizard King" reclaim the Stick of Truth from the Elves. You'll be in
a little kid's fantasy adventure. The story then breaks just being about Elves
and Wizards and gets more into South Park's history of things getting worse and
worse, like when you think you're going to just make a small poop and then it
becomes something so epic you take a picture and your friends tell you to stop
sending it to them and that you ruined their wedding.
Ruining a wedding won't be as bad as the whole town being
destroyed, someone you've wronged will take their revenge and on the way the US
Government will get involved escalating your problems.
The main story builds with you walking around town trying to
collect friends via Facebook. Your army will ask of you to collect friends to
join their cause, causing you to be on the constant look out for new allies to
join your alliance. You'll be sent on quest after to quest to grow your army.
A version of Facebook is
your menu system to change your character's appearance, clothing and weapons
and look up any info you might need. This includes getting messages from your
Facebook friends and Al Gore gets really annoying after a while, better de-friend
or kill him.
Killing with the Gross patch was used heavily in the fight with
the G-d damn Mongolians in my play through. The highest Gross patch was added
to Douchebag's Melee weapon which can be a number of them through the game
starting with cheap looking cardboard swords to real weapons to a dildo. Ranged
weapons also can have attributes so Fire was added to a broken beer bottle and
Batdadarangs. So many weapons to attack with so little time. The G-d damn Mongolians
suffered for this from not only vomiting
uncontrollably they were on also fire. They burned and threw up during our
fight. There's just something about seeing every enemy in this game throw up
that made Gross such a great addition to the roster of Frost and Fire you've
seen in so many other titles. Adding to weapons are your Mana Magic Farts.
Farts can be performed to add more damage on attacks, be used on
their own to attack or be used during game play to solve puzzles. Douchebag
could launch himself in the air with his fart and bring down his weapon to do
more damage to the G-d damn Mongolians. He could fart and the fire his weapon
at the G-d damn Mongolians causing a more powerful attack. Douchebag could just
let it rip on the G-d damn Mongolians and their stupid horses too. Not to
toot-toot on the G-d damn Mongolians you'll use different farts to break away
certain walls or get past certain obstacles. There's three more farts to learn
other than the Dragon Shout!
Butters was on my team at the time as my buddy with the G-d damn
Mongolians. Butters is also controlled by you. As are the other buddies you get
in the game, each with their own special abilities and attacks. Butters more
powerful attack is becoming Lord Chaos and choosing from an array of powers
from his spin wheel of devastating attacks you can utterly F-UP enemies. with
Cartman has his V-Chip back in him from the movie for some special electric
attacks after powering up from cursing. I heard 4chan in their once.
On top of buddies and Farts you have the abilities you get from
the class you chose. Being a Jew, Douchebag had a bloody bris attack the "Circum-Scythe".
"Whirling Doom" let's you dabble spinning on a dreidel and if you
level the ability up all the way you'll
get Moses, which is what I was hoping for. "Plagues of Egypt" might
have been the most malicious of attacks as the bible comes to life and for
blood. Choose up to four different plagues to incapacitate and annihilate your opponents
if you level it up all the way.
The G-d damn Mongolians and other enemies do get their turn, you
defend by correctly timing your blocks to make sure their attacks don't do that
much damage.
After killing the G-d damn Mongolians there's many more enemies
to brutally gross out and make them sh*t their pants. Literally, they'll sh*t
their pants. Your buddy Jimmy can drop a B-Note and a flow from their pants
erupts. Enemies alter to the story, so be up to fighting the cliché of zombie
Nazis, which the game points out itself. Anything in this game can become a
Nazi zombie, including cows and cats so be prepared. Be prepared in that their
immune to Gross attacks their Nazi zombies they're already gross. Theirs aliens,
animals and fetuses to fight too.
Gross-out humor works hand in... uh in there, with background
and level design. Nothing is too obscene for the South Park team. Transverse
the colon of Mr. Slave, oh you're up there. You're up there and your laughing
at what you find inside Mr. Slave's butt. White goo must be cut down as it's
blocks your path. Strange objects and diseases must be fought. Mr. Slave is way
too ticklish from the inside, Jesus Christ!
Jesus is in the game as is Santa, couldn't find Satan though.
Jesus is a summon along with Mr. Slave, Mr. Hankey and the City Wok owner, you
do help him get rid of those G-d damn Mongolians. They can help you in a pinch
with very powerful attacks, only once a day in the game and not in boss fights.
Seeing Jesus save the day or Mr. Slave shove someone somewhere are sights
seldom but when beheld become legend.
How about seeing your parents doing it? They game manages to get
you underneath your parents doing the nasty and you have to dodge some balls not
thrown by the Underpants gnomes that got you in the mess. Little tweaks like
hearing your parents doing it through the walls of your house as your going
after the gnomes cement the game with well- thought out ideas. Taking the time
to do that shows a genuine want from the developers and writers to make you
laugh and gross you out.
On an alien spaceship where an anal probe will be inserted into
you, unlocking more places for you to go, Mephesto, South Park's mad
scientist, has left behind messages.
This nod to BioShock and other titles of games past is just part of the bigger
picture making fun of games. What Mephesto says in those message needed to be said. Seeing what happened
to Stan's Dad Randy did not.
Just wait until you get to Canada, that joke alone sold me as
how much the writers and developers thought aboot, I mean about the game. Get
the 5x7's possibly, me I get the 8x10's; a joke you'll get later when you play
it.
Mini-games don't stop the potty humor as you will be performing
abortions. What other game has you playing t an abortion? None I can think of, maybe
something on Newgrounds. Don't worry, they aren't on women. Think about the
voice on the second abortion you perform; another call back to a popular gaming
series.
Extra quests are all over the South Park: you can look for lost kindergarteners,
controversially get rid of the homeless to clean up the town's image for the
Mayor. Call backs to previous episodes are in every poorly animated in the
style of the show step of the game from collecting Chinpokomon to looking into the closets of
the boys and seeing memorabilia from past episodes. Hell, you collect memorabilia
every step of the way and it's cheap. Songs throughout the series can be heard
everywhere in town.
My time as Douchebag did leave me with some want. The game had
to be put on hardcore or it would be too easy. Even on hardcore the game never
felt like I would lose. There were some cut-scene errors where my Douchebag
would flicker or not be in them a few times. It could have been my computer
settings at the time.
South Park: The Stick of Truth is a whole new episode devoted to
you with the boys at your side or against you. For long time fans of the show
it is the best South Park game ever made and the look of the game is almost too
close to how the show is animated. Hundreds of references to past episodes and jokes on the film and game industry. Along
with potty humor and abandonment for anything being too dirty. You fart on
people, there's a whole part of the game devoted to farting.
Publisher provided Steam Code for review purposes. Game's main story played and beaten
on Steam.
