Halloween 2011: Knott's Scary Farm Halloween Haunt

 Knott's Scary Farm Halloween Haunt

Oct. 8-9, 12-16, 19-23, 26-31, 2011
Tickets:$34 – $51

Doesn't open till 7pm ends at 1am or 2am, depending which night

Ghouls and ghosts, vampires and zombies, all our getting closer! All are getting near! All of them fit nicely in a theme park in Buena Park. Knott's spooks you just write this year with enough fog machines to black out the moon and 1,000 costumed freaks from clowns to wolf-men with their jaws missing.

I hadn't been to the park in the long time and was so happy to get into all the nightmarish fun. As I entered the transformed Knott's I was greeted by darkness and I mean pure darkness, they have some fog and lasers set up so monsters of all sorts have no trouble stalking you. Knott's Scary Farm has clever areas set up to spook you, I guess I was drawn to the new Gypsy Zon, where costumed cretins appeared ever so often to say how nice it would be to kill me in their on hiding behind things fashion.

Lets go through the mazes, 13 in all this year at Knott's. Let me tell you right now to just head to the Sleepy Hollow Mountain Log Ride. I went on it twice! From the pumpkin feeled caverns, to the ghouls hiding to get you on am ovie ride, and a drop that leaves you scared stiff as the log you were riding, it is hands down the best maze.

After Sleepy Hollow is a three-way tie between The Doll Factory, Delirium and Lockdown: The Asylum. All three were just the right combination of setting and scary things. The Dool Factory had some freaky dolly men and women bubbling around as weird doll heads and wires going through them. The factory had different areas like packaging and a freezer and unoffical homage to a Toy Story character. Delirium is like it's name going through a very horrifying state. This started with going through some sort of a many eye-ball monsters mouth, with many more strange sightss to leave lingergint bad thoughts. Giant insects eating a skinless dinner anyone? Finally, lockdown sets you in a no good prisons where guards and criminals seem to be the same. All had great designs and features that made them stand out.

Fallout Shelter in 3D and The Corn Stalkers were pleasantly unpleasing. Both contain huge baddies that need to be seen to be believe, both seem more real, due to lighting effects. Corn Stalkers is like a corn maze with plenty of scarescrows and outhouses to scare anyone, while Fallout Shelter is like being trapped in a underground nightmare surrounded by mutants. There are a lot of mutant dogs in the future.

Uncle Bobo’s Big Top of the Bizarre in 3D get high marks for totally selling the evil clown vibe. My friend in attendance, for no reason, was suddenly trailed by many clowns, more than usual, then the got him even as he was leaving the maze, he got spooked good.

Virus Z made you feel like you were living the day of the Zombie Outbreak, heading from home to home looking for safety, then throught businesses and finally a school, that's suppose to be safe, but ins't.

Dia Del Los Muertos felt a little flat, even though it incorporated multiple horror from different South American cultures, it was almost too bright to be scary. ENDGAMES: Warriors of the Apocalypse didn't make much sense, I didn't it. It seemed more like whatever didn't fit in to other rides, let's throw into here. I wanted something to happen with the video cameras and monitors, but nothing did. The Slaughterhouse was also kind of a let down, it's so big, there's to much free room and you don't feel cramped. The concept is great of cannibalism and you going through where victims are made into snacks, but it felt like it need more crazy cannibals.

Terror of London was just silly, it's just being in England. London England, it's  just hearing, "E'llo Guv-nor" every minute or so and hear people cracking British jokes. Jack the Ripper and corned off prostitutes make for a silly romp, I did enjoy the Bordello, keep that one.

Invasion Beneath just doesn't work, aliens fighting aliens in a war? Just didn't make sense! The silliest parts are the laser battles. Why have them in a mine?

This brings me to what truly terrified me The Hanging Calico and Aliens Show. It didn't horrify me in a good way. If you remember my review of Universal and Bill and Ted's Excellent Halloween Adventure you"ll know my thoughts on this show. What starts off as a parody of Cowboys and Aliens, spiral into a stupid mess of pop culture. I don't know who likes these shows or why there part of Halloween festivities, nothing about Halloween is in them. You know who is in it, Osama Bin Laden. Osama and a bunch of other stupid pop culture jokes. What strange is, it was almost completely like the Bill and Ted Show, is there some sort of rivalry for the worst show?

That show dies a painful death in my mind when I saw Ed Alonzo's Psco Circus of Magic and Mayhem.  The great comedian is also a magician and has some lovely lady dancers between some great tricks. Haunt FX Wonders of Technology is a short, but fun little show of what goes on behind the scenes in the park, like a funny send up of mythbusters.

Once again, it took the whole night to get to everything and I didn't even go on the active roller coasters and other rides. Yes, almost all roller coasters are active at night to really make you scarred and wet yourself. So there's screaming from being spooked and form being strapped into a ride and defying gravity. Just think about doing the rides at night in the dark, totally new scares. I did manage to go on Big Bear rapids, remember you"ll get soaked so bring a raincoat or something for that ride or you"ll be drenched.

So Knott's Scary Farm stacks up high with more than enough to do any night and you only have so many till the end of October. So get down there and get scared.